To the ego, life looks like accidents and miracles. People think I'm a heavyweight intellectual with broad interests. The ego keeps making itself known in my daily affirmations. Active and passive voice await connection during blog contemplations. Then there's that pesky idea of perfectionism mewling in the background of my mind.
Buddha offers that perfectionism is part of the ego. Great Trickster proclaims nothing is perfect, that such a thing doesn't exist. What we think of ourselves must be transcended. To feel serene and impervious is almost a different conscious than who we think we are. Rarely do we think ourselves serene and impervious.
Being "perfect" protects the idea of who we are. If I strive to be the perfect, daughter, let's say, does it mean I'm afraid that isn't really who I am? Buddha says it's actually pretty easy to let go of the notion of self. If one considers themselves to be an utter loser that no one wants to talk to, does that also qualify as an ego? Or is that just some weird self punishment?
Are egos really that fragile? It's the subtle mind attack that makes our psyche hurt so much. "You're really not what you strive so hard to be." Whoa. That's a killer blow for anyone.
If the Great Teachers frequent the acceptance of anything being possible, then where is the idea of perfectionism? It's obvious that bettering yourself could possibly elude these teachers' revelations. I suppose it would depend on the vision. Attract what you admire? Wouldn't sitting on a plateau in bliss be perfection? Would fulfillment or absolution apply?
As long as you have an ego, you're on a limited trip. Do people need specific motivations to hold onto an idea? The ancient part of the brain interprets new ventures as threatening. The ego - our idea of ourselves plays tricks on us, including loss of interest. We decide that we don't really need to workout after a few sessions because we're good just the way we are. Procrastination and perfectionism are hard-wired into us all simply because we're human. Distraction doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us, either. Everyone goes through irrational discomfort now and then.
Buddha says to sit, be calm, meditate, be one, reach for the stillness. Yet our Souls crave new action. We're determined to live new lives after we did, but lose interest once repetition settles in and even gain acceptance that this is who we're supposed to be.
The ego is always going to tell you to stop anything new. The Soul is more determined. Perhaps Buddha's sweet spot in the middle is more about authenticity than avoiding perfection. Transcending the Ego's reluctance to do anything new doesn't mean you won't eventually be aligned.
Your Ego's trying to keep you safe. I agree that nothing is ever really perfect. The uncomfortable feeling keeps you from relaxing and relating. My advice: stay optimistic, lose all fear. Nobody's perfect so don't beat yourself up.
( My apologies for taking a bit in posting. December always takes an interesting path.)
Feel free to have a look at my writer's website. panamberlaughter.wixsite.com/amberleevelasquez
Tuesday, December 18, 2018
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
What Do I Wonder About PT 2
Dis-ease and Disease.
Apparently, I've been thinking about word association, synonyms and distinctions lately. We are so clothed with meaning in our society that describing how words are meant makes people feel dim and naked. I picked these two words this week because of my recent research on how a soul can hurt.
Dis-ease seems the direct unhappiness of mind and soul. The in between, the body, is what gets the disease. I read an article on hypertension, which my mom died of in September of this year, and her death certificate noted the years from onset to death. The article states that hypertension eventually leads to numbness of limbs and and possible loss of said limbs. Mom suffered with this for thirteen years.
I've also read that being fucking miserable can manipulate cells into becoming lathergic.
Some doctors pass off dis-ease and cover the soul ache with prescription pills.
We can recognize dis-embalance in someone when they're feeling down, not themselves, ECT. We dimly acknowledge when dis-ease becomes chronic depression.
Listlessness, living life but not living in it as it were.
Disease, while unpleasant and often hereditary, feels of the "old world." When I say "old world" I refer to an old way of thinking. People got sick through mass plauges without the luxury of complaining about how they felt inside, ie; their emotions.
Then there's the primal urges that go even farther back. The urges of freedom/escape and the universal want for Love. These are the impulses that motivate "new world" dis-ease. When people feel trapped in their lives with no way out due to, oh, let's say, financial dependency, their hearts race, an inner panic is created and I suppose a hypertension could follow. When someone longs for Love, their soul aches and perhaps they'll never be at ease until a balm will soothe what they're missing.
Our lives are driven by primal desires. Our diseases seem to hit ever few generations. Dark ages, world wars, and the childhood cancers, breast cancers and prostrate cancers of the now are part of our human history. Dis-ease rides alongside physical disease as a mental Blindspot.
If I've left anything out, please share in the comments section. I love to hear people's thoughts on what else could be added or contributed to this idea between the two words of physical and perhaps soul illness. Emotions towards this subject welcomed.
Apparently, I've been thinking about word association, synonyms and distinctions lately. We are so clothed with meaning in our society that describing how words are meant makes people feel dim and naked. I picked these two words this week because of my recent research on how a soul can hurt.
Dis-ease seems the direct unhappiness of mind and soul. The in between, the body, is what gets the disease. I read an article on hypertension, which my mom died of in September of this year, and her death certificate noted the years from onset to death. The article states that hypertension eventually leads to numbness of limbs and and possible loss of said limbs. Mom suffered with this for thirteen years.
I've also read that being fucking miserable can manipulate cells into becoming lathergic.
Some doctors pass off dis-ease and cover the soul ache with prescription pills.
We can recognize dis-embalance in someone when they're feeling down, not themselves, ECT. We dimly acknowledge when dis-ease becomes chronic depression.
Listlessness, living life but not living in it as it were.
Disease, while unpleasant and often hereditary, feels of the "old world." When I say "old world" I refer to an old way of thinking. People got sick through mass plauges without the luxury of complaining about how they felt inside, ie; their emotions.
Then there's the primal urges that go even farther back. The urges of freedom/escape and the universal want for Love. These are the impulses that motivate "new world" dis-ease. When people feel trapped in their lives with no way out due to, oh, let's say, financial dependency, their hearts race, an inner panic is created and I suppose a hypertension could follow. When someone longs for Love, their soul aches and perhaps they'll never be at ease until a balm will soothe what they're missing.
Our lives are driven by primal desires. Our diseases seem to hit ever few generations. Dark ages, world wars, and the childhood cancers, breast cancers and prostrate cancers of the now are part of our human history. Dis-ease rides alongside physical disease as a mental Blindspot.
If I've left anything out, please share in the comments section. I love to hear people's thoughts on what else could be added or contributed to this idea between the two words of physical and perhaps soul illness. Emotions towards this subject welcomed.
Tuesday, November 20, 2018
What Do I Wonder About part 1
Let's discuss Disgust. Initially, when I heard these words together I thought of two panicked people conversing on how to get rid of a body. Overwhelmed by the mess they created an interesting spec script would make.
Then I took a breath and relaxed into some research on the word's definition. The first links and descriptions used outside influences as triggers; disgust being a reaction to our offended emotions. It wasn't until several examples later that disgust was used to entertain a self-imposed meaning of the word.
So much of the word depends on standards, both socially and morally applied. It is acts that disgust people, far before the natural appearance of decay. I would like to think that smells would be at the top of the list instead of inherent judgement.
Disgust often arises when our senses and subconscious come together to say, "we will have none of this!" Sure, it's a survival mechanism, but who cares? Silently, disgust became an expression of judgement towards actions rendered. Wikipedia of course has a nice stack of evolution and cultural differences ready to explain this universal reaction.
To accept disgust as a valid emotion isn't something I ever really considered. And the only possibility of handling such a negative emotion is to use humor, naturally. Sometimes it's the only way to alter our uncomfortable perceptions. It's a shift that requires a certain amount of surrender on the part of the offended. One must bypass conditioning to rise above the disgust.
emotiontypology.com mentioned not to confuse disgust with contempt. The latter feels too close to anger for me to delve into at this time. It isn't weak sentimentality that I don't go into my thoughts on contempt, but rather a preference to discuss disgust.
Because we're the only creatures that feel that particular emotion.
Then I took a breath and relaxed into some research on the word's definition. The first links and descriptions used outside influences as triggers; disgust being a reaction to our offended emotions. It wasn't until several examples later that disgust was used to entertain a self-imposed meaning of the word.
So much of the word depends on standards, both socially and morally applied. It is acts that disgust people, far before the natural appearance of decay. I would like to think that smells would be at the top of the list instead of inherent judgement.
Disgust often arises when our senses and subconscious come together to say, "we will have none of this!" Sure, it's a survival mechanism, but who cares? Silently, disgust became an expression of judgement towards actions rendered. Wikipedia of course has a nice stack of evolution and cultural differences ready to explain this universal reaction.
To accept disgust as a valid emotion isn't something I ever really considered. And the only possibility of handling such a negative emotion is to use humor, naturally. Sometimes it's the only way to alter our uncomfortable perceptions. It's a shift that requires a certain amount of surrender on the part of the offended. One must bypass conditioning to rise above the disgust.
emotiontypology.com mentioned not to confuse disgust with contempt. The latter feels too close to anger for me to delve into at this time. It isn't weak sentimentality that I don't go into my thoughts on contempt, but rather a preference to discuss disgust.
Because we're the only creatures that feel that particular emotion.
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
And So It Begins
I drank more and more filtered Water. There was a Love happening inside me. Suddenly, I had Hope. I felt more and more attuned to a Destiny that was mine alone.
I had Faith in this Destiny. It made me Happy. A happiness grew within me that I hadn't felt in a long time. This happiness brought me Health. I felt Healthy because I was Happy. It was like the Universe and I were on the same page again.
My friends - my Gratitude to them. The Sun was on all our faces. It radiated with our growing, healthy happiness. I sat in absolute Silence. Silent. Such wonderful, redeeming Silence. Finally, my mind could be quiet with nothing and in that nothing, I was full. In the Sapphire Silence is where the Great Trickster came to me once.
In this quiet I reflected on the friends who had become mother's. Motherhood suits them all. These women who consider me Family. I felt Gladness that they had families of their fierce own. It gives them a Power. A strength I don't possess. They're with a Grace. I have Grace, too. But, it's an interestingly different type of Grace.
There's a Fountain of both Fire and Water inside me. It's a Balance. A Level.
And then I started having Sex Dreams again. A few times a week. A man, yes; then more and more of Women. Then more and more of Her. The Her whom I've not yet met. These Dreams sated me, made me remember that I have a Future. The Future linked to the Destiny only I could fulfill. In My Soul.
So, I took a warm bath in a mineral hot spring filled with floating candles and rose petals. In the steam I emerged to whisper, "This is Bliss." Delight. Delight in how I felt. Bliss gave me the will to Create. Creativity came on the Wind.
The next day the Wind blew warm and steady. Much like the Sun a few weeks ago, it wasn't forced or angry, but flowed in time with the Balance of Light. I wrote all day in the Sun and Wind. In this way I was taking care of my Welfare. I felt Calm.
Life, Spirit, Energy were all through me. Emotions were synonymous with my mental state. The physical Welfare of my being was linked to the Happiness I felt in the open air. This gave me Vitality. A strength to keep me active.
After writing in the Sun, Wind and Open, I decided to go to the Streams. Small Streams greeted me, rivulets of precious Water joined further south to make an eventual river. At the Streams I sat and meditated. Such pinpointed Joy found me there. I gathered the stillness in me. I continued on in Prosperity. My passions grew. My writing grew and the more deeply engaged I became, the closer I came into Love.
I had Faith in this Destiny. It made me Happy. A happiness grew within me that I hadn't felt in a long time. This happiness brought me Health. I felt Healthy because I was Happy. It was like the Universe and I were on the same page again.
My friends - my Gratitude to them. The Sun was on all our faces. It radiated with our growing, healthy happiness. I sat in absolute Silence. Silent. Such wonderful, redeeming Silence. Finally, my mind could be quiet with nothing and in that nothing, I was full. In the Sapphire Silence is where the Great Trickster came to me once.
In this quiet I reflected on the friends who had become mother's. Motherhood suits them all. These women who consider me Family. I felt Gladness that they had families of their fierce own. It gives them a Power. A strength I don't possess. They're with a Grace. I have Grace, too. But, it's an interestingly different type of Grace.
There's a Fountain of both Fire and Water inside me. It's a Balance. A Level.
And then I started having Sex Dreams again. A few times a week. A man, yes; then more and more of Women. Then more and more of Her. The Her whom I've not yet met. These Dreams sated me, made me remember that I have a Future. The Future linked to the Destiny only I could fulfill. In My Soul.
So, I took a warm bath in a mineral hot spring filled with floating candles and rose petals. In the steam I emerged to whisper, "This is Bliss." Delight. Delight in how I felt. Bliss gave me the will to Create. Creativity came on the Wind.
The next day the Wind blew warm and steady. Much like the Sun a few weeks ago, it wasn't forced or angry, but flowed in time with the Balance of Light. I wrote all day in the Sun and Wind. In this way I was taking care of my Welfare. I felt Calm.
Life, Spirit, Energy were all through me. Emotions were synonymous with my mental state. The physical Welfare of my being was linked to the Happiness I felt in the open air. This gave me Vitality. A strength to keep me active.
After writing in the Sun, Wind and Open, I decided to go to the Streams. Small Streams greeted me, rivulets of precious Water joined further south to make an eventual river. At the Streams I sat and meditated. Such pinpointed Joy found me there. I gathered the stillness in me. I continued on in Prosperity. My passions grew. My writing grew and the more deeply engaged I became, the closer I came into Love.
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